the RAB (rude ass bitch) stretch

As audition season quickly approaches, it’s time to start preparing for what may actually be my favorite part of being a member of this dyv-tastic dance community, the pre-audition stretch.

How many auditions have you been to where without fail, the following takes place?

You show up by yourself a little nervous while bitches line up all around you on the dance floor…nobody speaks. Showing off their talents, each ummm “artist” takes a turn bending their legs in nine different directions behind their head, all the while pretending not to care if anyone notices.

Get serious girl, I mean #4, we see you!

Annnnnnd, it doesn’t even matter where you’re auditioning…the NBA dance team (fake-bitches) or the audition for the university dance department (classy-bitches), these girls are EVERYWHERE!!! They glare around the room looking to make eye contact with anybody weak enough to intimidate, and then avoid it like the plague when you actually hold it against them.

 MWAHAHAHAH!!!

These are the divas we so fondly refer to as RAB’s, or rather, Rude Ass Bitches:

Rude Ass Bitch |ˈroōd as biCH| (noun) : an ill-mannered dancer who mistakes him or herself for an artist. This brand of person belongs to the dark side of the performing arts, and observes turning switchleaps as the empire of all that is dance.

**Not to be confused with the type of man Rihanna prefers in the bedroom (Rude Boy).

•That girl instigating a fouette competition over there, she is a Rude Ass Bitch.

You’ll find me on the complete opposite end of the RAB spectrum, as previously discussed I am a Dyva. I’m the girl sitting in the corner wearing the bright lipstick and headphones…I’m probably not stretching… I’m just not all that flexible and it’s way more entertaining to sit and enjoy the ridiculous view all around me (don’t hate me cause you ‘aint me…).

No RAB, I can’t overextend my split (not even on a good day), and heck on some days, I can’t even get down into the splits at all; but guess what? This Dyva can side-bend like a Goddess, and is about to under curve all over your ass!

So do us all a favor and leave your ‘tude (…fouettes and switchleaps) at home; and when you’re feeling up to it, feel free to take a vacation from the dark-side to join us Dyvas in all of our glittery-glory.  Glittorious-glory…if you will.

Now let’s not be naive and just assume that RAB’s only exist in the dance community, they can be found ANYWHERE!!! Do you have any experiences with a RAB??? (I know you do, don’t be shy!!)

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3 thoughts on “the RAB (rude ass bitch) stretch

  1. I Love You Nicole!!! You Could Always Put A Smile on My Face ( :

  2. Gloria J says:

    This is so funny. I hate RABs, even though most of my friends are RABs. Am I one, too?

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